Rambling 1

The following is a long clump of text that doesn't make very much sense. "Why doesn't it make sense?" you may ask. The answer is really quite simple. You see, my blue salt shaker that my brother gave to me on his deathbed told me so. Although, I don't see how it could have known that, because the only other person who knew was the spider plant in my living room, and everyone knows that plants can't talk. Well, except for the ones who are rocket scientists on Thursdays. Sometimes NASA will outsource work to them because they are so keen on rocketry. Of course, this makes the non-plant spiders rather jealous, but oddly enough, not on Thursdays. Thursday is an amazing day because it's the only day that starts with a 'T'. Except of course for Tuesday, but we don't talk about that any more, not since the divorce. Some people don't understand why the days were married in the first place, but they were in love, and kids are so foolish at that age. When I have children I won't let them be foolish because I don't think it's healthy. Chicken pox isn't very healthy either, but I doubt I'll be able to control that. I'm still rather disappointed that chicken pox doesn't taste like chicken. Not even a little bit. Of course, if I were a pox, I doubt I would taste like chicken either. I wonder if chickens can get chicken pox. Would they call it 'us pox'? Sometimes I think that the chickens are staring at me, so I close the refrigerator door. If I lived in the refrigerator I would get cold a lot, but maybe not as much as an Eskimo. Eskimos live in the frozen tundra of the north. Don't you think it's odd that you can't walk north from the North Pole? You can only walk south. I bet a compass wouldn't be much help if you were standing on the North Pole. I once got a compass out of a Cracker Jack box, but I don't think it worked right. I think that Cracker Jack should change their name to Popcorn Jack, because they don't have any crackers in them. Come to think of it, there isn't any Jack either! If I had Cracker Jacks right now, I wouldn't eat them. Instead, I would build a little doll out of them and talk to it for hours on end. We would be best friends and drive to the Sudan together. I think we would have to get a map, because I don't know how to get to the Sudan from here. Do you think that the Sudan has dinosaurs? I don't see any around where I live, so maybe they live in the Sudan. I once met a duck that said he saw a dinosaur, but I think he was a pathological liar. He also had really big hooves for a duck, and ducks don't have hooves either. I sometimes wish that I had hooves, that way I could run in the Kentucky Derby. Of course, I wouldn't want to have to drag around a jockey all day. Jockeys are really short and I would like to try to jump over them. I think I could do it, but they might get offended. I wouldn't take offence if some really tall guy wanted to jump over me. But if he hit me, I'd cut off his kneecaps. Then I would put them in my collection of kneecaps that I store under my bed. I hope the police never find them because they would get mad at me for collecting other people's kneecaps. The police are funny like that. Even still, I don't think police officers would make very good comedians, because people would be afraid that they might get a ticket for laughing at the police officer. Laughter is supposed to be the best medicine, but I'd rather have a spoonful of sugar. Maybe malt sugar though, that way I could eat a chocolate malt instead of taking medicine. Medicine is usually yucky, but I once had this medicine that tasted like artificial grape, and it was good. It was even purple in color. Purple is a pretty color, but I don't think that dogs should be purple because they bark too much. Isn't it strange that dogs bark and trees have bark, but dogs aren't trees? If I was a tree I would be a beagle.

Home