Rambling 4

And from what I've read in that one magazine from that one store in that one place, pressure is a bad thing. The magazine didn't say why it was bad, but they did have a coupon for a nice fondue set. I don't know about you, but I love fondue. You can use cheese, chocolate, canaries. Practically anything, but certainly not everything. Or is that supposed to be reversed. Anyway, I think my roof needs new shingles. Not to say the the existing ones aren't spiffy, but they're not as young as they once were. Of course, nothing is. Unless you go back in time. Then, of course, it would. I once met a woman named Deirdre from the past, and she seemed young. I don't know what that has to do with shingles, but I imagine her house had something to cover the roof. Then again, she might not have had a house. I keep forgetting that in these troubled times that not everyone has a place to call their home. But wait! She doesn't live in our time (not normally, anyway), so perhaps in her time there plenty of houses to go around. Maybe she has a house for every day of the week. Do you think she would name them after the days? Perhaps that would be too obvious. I personally would name all of my houses Billy T. Domicile. I think that would be clever. People would come from miles around to see Billy, even space aliens. They would have to travel a lot further, but think of the frequent flier miles they would be getting. Of course, space aliens can be temperamental. Imagine if one of the alien's names were Billy T. Domicile. Think of how put off they would be. And with aliens you have to expect strange things like that because they all have very different names from our own. Instead of normal boy's names like Thanatos or Belial, they use strange names like Gus or Terry. Can you imagine such a thing? Gus as a boy's name! That's a rib tickler isn't it? You know, I've never quite understood the whole rib tickler saying. How do you tickle someone's ribs? Perhaps Gus would know. Hey, I've never been to Guam! In fact, I don't even think I know where Guam is! I've heard it's an island in a really big salt lake or something crazy like that. Who ever heard of a salt lake, honestly. No really, there was a guy named Who, and he heard of a lake that was full of salt water. I wouldn't lie to you. I might lay to you, but I certainly wouldn't lie. I had a dog that knew how to lay down, but you had to feed him ravioli first. And not the cheap canned stuff either, he only ate the high quality stuff. Sometimes I think I treated that dog too well, but whenever I thought that he would always tell me to go fetch him a paper and it would take my mind off of it. I once had a paper route. It was in the Artic circle. Very cold newspapers up there, let me assure you. You can't trust them. If you turn your back on them for even a few seconds they will smash you over the back of the head with a shovel. Unless they don't have a shovel, then they resort to small sticks. Did you know that in England a small stick is called a fag? It's true. A whole bundle of small sticks is called a faggot. That's pretty amazing that they would call it that. I personally would call them Billy T. Bundle. And people would come from miles around to see my my fags, and my fags would be the best fags ever. I'm curious if the British school children are taught to say "fags and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Of course, if you drink enough milk you don't have to worry about that because milk has calcium, and calcium is in TUMS. At least that is what the commercials say, and TV would never lie to us. TV is good like that. Now his evil twin brother VT, he's a despicable little monster who spreads lies and innuendo all the live long day. Very scary person that VT, you'd do best to stay clear of him or he might spread a rumor about your cat!

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