Rules To Live By
This is a compiled list of several different rules to live your life by to become a better person.
- Always double-dip at parties. This will gross out most people leaving more dip for you.
- Tell your friends to call your cell phone when your at a movie theater, auditorium, kindergarten recital, etc. This will make people think you're both important and cool.
- Try to grow up as fast as possible, because being young sucks.
- Let everyone know how bad you think the president is doing, even if you don't know who the president is, and you forgot to vote.
- Teach gerbils how to fly. (This could take several tries).
- Drink from the container at other people's houses. Maybe you can get a free gallon of milk that way.
- Learn to drive with your knees so that you may smoke, talk on cell phone, read, put on make-up, change clothes, eat lunch, practice yoga, etc. while driving.
- Belching is a compliment!
- Teach the parrots at pet stores naughty words. The owners think it's really funny to watch a parrot cuss out a customer.
- If you're playing a game and you win, make fun of everyone else, after all, they're losers.
- Tell everyone about your religion, even if you don't know the fundamentals of it, and explain why they're bad because they are of a different one.
- Take a dead rabbit to an orphanage on Easter and tell the kids that the Easter bunny was trespassing so you shot him.
- Tip over portapotties at construction sites when a large steel worker is inside. He'll think it's hilarious.
- Take up a disgusting habit, like smoking, and do it in front of everyone, especially small children, as often as possible.
- Be paranoid about everyone around you. Just keep saying to yourself... "They're all out to get me..."
- Make sure your children know that people who look, talk, or act different from them are bad and should always be avoided.
- When something scans for the wrong price at a store, yell at the cashier. After all, it's their fault.
- Take small children to restaurants with you. Everyone wants to hear them cry all throughout dinner.
- Neck ties make great napkins, especially other people's ties.
- Police officers think it's cute when you say they look like doughnut filled pigs.
- Don't say anything unless you're positive everyone else agrees with you, or you have lots of money.
- Supermodels are the only attractive people in this world. Everyone else is ugly.
- Never tip your sever. They'll just expect one everytime if you do.
- Do onto others as do they onto them with you... or something. This one's not that important.
If you don't understand sarcasm, don't send hate mail.
© Copyright 2003: Dean Tersigni. All rights reserved.