August, 2009

Screw caffeine, I need a soft drink with crystal meth!

Feeling: Sleepy


You know you're getting old when you see a mother and her teenage daughter walking together in the mall, you size them both up, and you conclude that the mother is more attractive.

The people who tell me I have too much time on my hands have obviously never seen Lego stop-animation.

One accidentally funny thing about the Blasphemer's Bible is the list from the Google-ads. Google's program doesn't trap for negative connotations, so a lot of my ads are for buying bibles, taking online religions classes, etc. This happens all the time on other pages too.

Everyone has sent out an email and forgot to add the attachment, but what was it like before email?

Why is it that the only time I ever see a "drill for oil in the USA" bumper sticker, it's on a huge gas-guzzling SUV? Why don't I ever see them on a Toyota Prius or a Honda Civic? Gee, I can't guess.

Apparently, you can't sue God.

I love you so much I'd even give up heroin for you!

Feeling: Sleepy


This is precisely why owning a poodle should be a privilege, not a right.

Adam finally makes it to the garden of Eden in the Blasphemer's Bible. I also added a cast page which I'll fill up with all of the major characters of the bible as they get introduced in the story.

If the power of a country was dependent solely on how cool their national anthem is, the United States would be a third world country and the Soviet Union would be king of the world. Their national anthem was EPIC!

Astyanax, Castlevania II, and Monster Party have new screenshots in the NES Religion page.

Does it get annoying, with me wastin' the day

Feeling: Happy


Movie special effects have come a long way in the past 100 years.

There's eating healthy, and then there's eating to be self-righteous. Looks like we've got another eating disorder!

You should be reading the Blasphemer's Bible!

I've added several new games to the NES Religion page. New screenshots include 8 Eyes, Battle Chess, Blues Brothers, Faxanadu, Frankenstein, and Taboo.

The Pirate Bay is getting sold for $8.5 million even though it's still operating as one of the largest pirate organizations. A mirror of the site exists now as well, so when it does go down for good all of the torrents will still be available somewhere else. However, the point of the buyout is to make the site a legitimate pay-to-use site. While many people will dump their money on what will no doubt be DRM encoded music, us geekier nerds will just switch over to one of the many other torrent trackers.

"Funeral" is an anagram for "Real Fun"

Feeling: Happy


Snap into a Slim Jim, and try to figure out what's in it.

Want to sound offensive even when you're not? Try out these words.

Adam comes alive in the Blasphemer's Bible!

See? This is exactly what I'm talking about with Comic Sans.

Geek languages are geeky.

I've added StarTropics to the NES Hacking page. With my notes you can get infinite lives, infinite items, full hearts, invincibility, etc. I've also updated the NES Religion page with screenshots from StarTropics.

Never gonna stop!

Feeling: Determined


I forgot to mention yesterday that I posted the background music for The Amazing Spider-Man in the Videogame Music Preservation Foundation.

Abiogenesis in the Blasphemer's Bible? Oh no!

If you haven't already seen people lampoon Ray Comforts banana video, you'll love You Have Been Watching. And don't forget to be amazed by the adventures of Bibleman!

A couple days after ThePirateBay was taken down, the entire contents of the site appeared as a torrent on another tracker. Then, someone mirrored the site, so ThePirateBay is back online on a new domain. Oh, how I love the Internet.

Only the Malian "intellectual" women support a bill to give woman equal rights. The true Muslim women (AKA the poor and illiterate) are against it. Yes, stay away from an education! Stay away from being treated like a human! Put your faith in the Qur'an!

Many people dream about becoming accidentally rich. These people actually did.

A week over due

Feeling: Cheery


I've posted the pictures from my trip with Amber up to the Upper Peninsula.

Who ever thought measuring a kilogram would be so hard?

The Blasphemer's Bible is ready for the Genesis remix!

This news article is a couple of years old, but it's still awfully funny. A teacher's aide stapled a post-it to a fouth graders head! Awesome!

I've added the offsets to Ninja Gaiden for my hacking page. You can no have infinite time, infinite hit point, infinite lives, infinite ninja points, keep any weapon, and have infinite invinsibility after taking a hit.

This woman's public speaking ability is painful to watch.

Cardinal's don't understand modern technology, like microphones.

Wanna play sum of dem dar vidja games?

Feeling: Happy


Some lawsuits are frivolous. For example, if you slip on some water made by splashing dolphins and sue a zoo, your lawsuit is frivolous.

The Blasphemer's Bible is all about nap time.

Star Wars doesn't quite live up to the realism factor.

If you're going to protest, make sure you don't look like an idiot.


Feeling: Happy


I added the memory offsets for Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse to the NES Hacking page. With the notes you can get infinite lives, infinite HP, infinite time, infinite hearts, keep any weapon, use any weapon with any character, and be invincible always.

With that, I've also updated the uncensored religious symbols page. More have been added for Castlevania, Castlevania III, Ultima: Exodus, and Bionic Commando.

Keep reading and voting for the Blasphemer's Bible.

Tinky Winky is gay after all!

Men in the Bahamas are getting all riled up over a bill intended to punish men who rape their wives. They just can't understand how forced sex on an unwilling woman could possibly be considered rape. The important thing to note is that each man interviewed justifies rape by invoking their religion.

How well do you know your pulp 80s movies?

Just to prove that I knew how

Feeling: Happy


My friend Kimberly has been up from Missouri and I've been hanging out with her and her boyfriend Bobby. It's been good times, but she's off to visit other people today.

The Blasphemer's Bible asks an important question today.

These are some serious nerd tattoos.

A 10-year-old gets busted for selling lemonade without a permit. Awesome!

I'm as pretty as a clam

Feeling: Sleepy


My long vacation weekend is over. I'll have the full write up in a couple days.

I had some dull filler comics in the Blasphemer's Bible while I was away. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't vote and rate them.

According to Creationists, the Loch Ness monster not only exists, but it disproves evolution too!

The Xbox 360's survival rate is pathetic!

There is an interesting lawsuit going on in Montgomery County, Maryland. The county has a long-standing law against fraud, and they include "fortune-telling for money" as fraud because nobody has ever been able to demonstrate the ability foresee the future. A man named Nick Nefedro, along with the ACLU, is putting together a lawsuit to try and force the county to allow Nefedro to setup shop. They're claiming that the county is preventing him from selling his fortune-telling "talent" because he is a self-proclaimed Gypsy. I don't think I'm for a ban per se, because there are all sorts of things that are legal that people spend money on that are totally useless to them. While it's true that no fortune-teller has ever been able to demonstrate the ability to see the future, it's also true that a lot of idiots find them very entertaining. The question is, should we ban anything that doesn't live up to the buyer's expectations? If we did, we'd have to ban most of the stuff in stores. Personally, I think we could solve this problem by forcing anyone who claims to know the future to have their clients sign a disclaimer stating that "the fortune-teller you're about to consult has never been able to prove the ability to foresee the future." This would be enough to scare off any person with a brain, and for the rest of the people who want to piss their money away, they can't say that they weren't warned.

Run a blind comparison on search engines to see which results you like best.

In this coming up school year in Texas, an elective bible literature course will be mandatory for all public schools! I think that a class on biblical literature is a good idea, because so much of our culture is influenced by the bible. However, I think a watchdog group should be set in place to ensure that they aren't proselytizing to the students. Also, if you really want to turn the kids off to the bible, make them read Exodus, Leviticus, Deuteronomy, Joshua, and Judges. That'll put the fear of God into them!

Mackinac = Mackinaw

Feeling: Excited


The Caesar's Palace soundtrack has been added to the Videogame Music Preservation Foundation.

If you're too afraid of vaccinations that work, you can always try one of these amazing Jewish vaccinations.

Want to win an Oscar? Just use one of these tried and true cheap acting tricks.

The Blasphemer's Bible. You know you love it.

50% of women believe that they should be legally required to take their husband's last name! Really? Legally required? Should they also vote the way their husband does? And thank them for hitting them to show them how much they're loved?

Focus On the Family, a conservative Christian organization, will be discontinuing their degayification program because they just can't afford to keep converting homosexuals. They called the program "Love Won Out", but as all gays know, there is a lot more loving when you're gay.

I'm on vacation for a 3-day weekend. I'm heading up to Mackinac Island Saturday, then Tahquamenon Falls Sunday, then Cedar Point Monday. There will be much driving, but much exploring and roller coasting. See everyone Tuesday.

Get to the point!

Feeling: Excited


Anna Falling should really change her name to Anna Failing, because she totally fails at seperation between church and state. She wants to put up a Creationism exhibit in the Tulsa Zoo.

This bank robber is just as stupid as Creationists. He gave the teller his bank card and ID before robbing the place.

Read the lovely Blasphemer's Bible and learn what plants you should eat.

Self is a woman's magazine covering topics like fitness, and nutrition. Of course, like other magazines, the cover models always receive massive amounts of photographic editing to make them look thinner, tanner, and blemish free. When asked to comment on the recent issue featureing a picture of Kelly Clarkston that was altered so much that she's barely recognizable, the magazine's Editor-and-cheif said, "It is, however, meant to inspire women to want to be their best." Apparently, being your best means having a physical beauty that couldn't possibly exist in reality.

Several more games and screenshots have been added to the NES religious iconography page.

NASA's most recently discovered extrasolar-planet spins in the opposite direction of its star! Most curious.

Lesbian Nazi hookers abducted by UFOs and forced into weight-loss programs, all this week on Town Talk!

Feeling: Okay


Part of the Eye of the Beholder soundtrack has been added to the Videogame Music Preservation Foundation.

In honor of the death of John Hughes and his ability to immortalize nerds and geeks with majors roles in his films, take a look at these life lessons his movies taught us.

Today's Blasphemer's Bible, is a trip. Also, don't take apples from talking snakes.

Robot chicken knows why you shouldn't take drugs.

Today for lunch I went to a barbecue joint. At the table next to me were to men talking about Christianity. I began to eavesdrop, partly because I wanted to hear what they were saying about it, and partly because they were talking so loud I couldn't concentrate on my book, which, coincidentally is "Why People Believe Weird Things". One of them was a pastor and the other was a Sunday school teacher. They made a couple cheap shots at evolution and talked about how great the Creationism museum is. I had to bite my tongue not to slam my book shut and shout, "Stupid! You so STUPID!" la Kuni from UHF.

Speaking of which, I've updated the religious iconography NES page.

Your cure is worse than my disease

Feeling: Frustrated


I spent over an hour at work trying to disable a client's virus scanner because it was interfering with our program. I swear, the virus programs are more of a hassle than the viruses. They're like the blood-letting of the PC industry.

The music from Mario Kart 64 is now in the Videogame Music Preservation Foundation.

Surfers are incredibly stupid.

There is a kitty in today's Blasphemer's Bible.

Speaking of the bible, it's actually quite racist, and Mary really gets around.

Socialized health care would kill off Steven Hawking? Me thinks the author is a little misinformed.

I've added some memory offsets for the NES game Pinball Quest. You'll be able to get infinite money with them.

Still a gamer at heart

Feeling: Happy


My weekend was pretty good despite the downpour of rain. I saw some of my family on Sunday at a reunion that I didn't know was going on until after it was done.

The Videogame Music Preservation Foundation has been updated with the soundtrack for Vegas Dream.

I've created a gaming article about all the North American NES games that have religious iconography that wasn't censored out by Nintendo of America and did a minor redesign for my articles in the Games section.

Speaking of censorship, today, the Blasphemer's Bible has censored nudity, so you know it's good.

Would you like a side of DEATH with that?

Feeling: Happy


I was down in Missouri with my friend Kimberly. I had just spent the weekend there, and was leaving the restaurant to get to the airport. I had a bag of clothes and my leftovers in my hand. Then, I realized that my car was still in Michigan, so I had to walk to the airport. Once I got there, I was in my bedroom talking to Kimberly. I was just on my way to the airport to go see her when I realized that my car was still in Missouri so I would have to drive it all the way back home instead of flying. But then I remembered that I was in Michigan. I considered calling Kimberly and asking her to just drive my car up when she comes to visit, but then I figured out that none of this made any sense. That's when I woke up and realized I was late for work.

The Blasphemer's Bible. Read it.


Adam and Eve? Whatever! Give me Lilith and Eve!

Feeling: Happy


I've added the Stellar 7 soundtrack to the Videogame Music Preservation Foundation.

The Blasphemer's Bible has just began the story arc with Adam and Eve... at least, we're meant to think it's Adam and Eve.

Dolphin Olympics 2 is pretty cool. It's more of a toy than a game, but it'll keep you interested for awhile.

Shut up, and stop asking questions!

Feeling: Happy


Ever heard of Kent Hovind? He's an evangelical preacher who goes church-to-church lying to a lot of people in an attempt to convince them that Creationism is true and the 99% majority of earth and life scientists who believe in evolution are wrong. Well, I mean, he used to go church-to-church, he's currently enjoying a 17-year incarceration at Edgefield Federal Correction Institution for almost half a million in tax fraud. Anyway, his awesome Dinosaur Adventure Land (a park that tries to convince children that the earth is only 6,000 years old, and that their great-grandparents rode dinosaurs) has just been cleared for government seizure. I can't wait for that intellectual blight to be torn down.

Speaking of intellectual blight, have you ever seen those annoying ghost hunter TV shows? Well, take a look at this parody show, the G-Hunters. Part 1 - Part 2.

Toy Story 2 is a lot more interesting when it's re-cut with audio from The Dark Knight.

I've added some more error checking into the Blasphemer's Bible in order to prevent hacking. I've also fixed a bug that caused comments to appear out of order.



Feeling: Okay


You know what movie I haven't seen in a long time? Gremlins. I bring this up because for some reason I dreamt about them last night. I was in a small town with a bunch of your typical stupid horror-movie extras, and the town was being overrun with gremlins. We were able to barricade the doors and windows of a garage long enough to keep them out, but one of the more moronic people in the garage with us broke a hole in the wall allowing them to spill in. I escaped with my sidekick into some sewers that let out in a restaurant before waking up. Good times.

Futurama is back baby! And of the original cast returns!

Can't get a job? Sue your college! Trina Thompson is mad as hell because her school isn't finding her a job. She explains how her amazing 2.7 GPA and a bachelors in business administration should warrant her her choice in the job market, but lo and behold, she remains unemployed. She says about her college's job finding office, and I'm quoting this because it's hilarious, "They favor more toward students that got a 4.0. They help them more out with the job placement." Yeah... wow! How is it possible that a genius like her couldn't find a job?

The Blasphemer's Bible is still being updated daily. You should go get caught up.

You're not bored are you? Well here are 150 things you can do! Find stuff like, 3D string spin and another "Don't press the button" toy.

There's always room for Jell-O!

Feeling: Okay


My weekend was pretty spectacular. I was invited to a 20s themed birthday party. Not owning a single shred of clothing from the 20s I fooled it with a 3-piece suit. I looked everywhere for a decent wide-brimmed fedora, but I only found one awful looking knock-off at a costume shop for $3.95, and one awesome one at a tuxedo store for $95.95. Thus, I went fedora-less. The party was a lot of fun though, it was at a small hall with a dance floor and a DJ and a caterer. Brit, the birthday girl, had just turned 21, and there were plenty of nice people to hang out with and talk to. After the party ended, several of us went to a motel to continue the party. Numerous Jell-O shots were consumed, though none by me, and a ruckus was raised. At about 4:00 AM, 11 of us attempted to sleep in a small motel room. Some of the people got a few hours, but I didn't sleep a wink. At 11:00 AM, we headed to IHOP for a nice long (and drowsy) breakfast. We parted ways, and spent the rest of the day recovering. It was awesome.

You should really consider double entendres before spending money on your Web domain.

The Blasphemer's Bible is still being updated daily. You should go get caught up.