November, 2009

Looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays

Feeling: Sleepy


This weekend, while I was reading "Surely You Must Be Joking Mr. Feynman" at Barnes and Noble, I heard a mother complain and ask for a manager. I turned in my seat and looked over at the conversation. A woman was complaining to the manager about a product. The woman claimed that her daughter saw something and freaked out, and that she was really offended. I couldn't see exactly what the offending product was from my vantage point, but I was interested at what could possibly be so offensive. Barnes and Noble sells all sorts of mature books dealing with sex, erotica, true crime, etc. The manager got a cart, and started removing boxes from a shelf. As she hauled them back into the stock room, I saw what had offended this woman so much. It was a trivia game called "Smart Ass". This title, apparently, was so damaging to her poor daughter's mind that the game had to be packed up and hidden away to prevent other people who may enjoy it from ever seeing it. I don't blame the manager, it's her job to cater to idiotic customers, but really, I'll bet this woman's daughter has heard the word "ass" a thousand times, probably even from her mother. I understand that teaching your child which words are impolite is incredibly difficult and time-consuming, but maybe this woman would have done her daughter a favor by explaining what the phrase "smart ass" means, instead of censoring her, and everyone else that would come into the store.

Want to learn how to lie without lying? Well, the Catholic church can teach you that. You don't even have to rape children to do it!

The Blasphemer's Bible answers the time old question of, does your heart pump blood? The answer probably won't shock you.

November is already over? This year is already almost over? Wow, that went by fast!

Weekend w00t!

Feeling: Happy


Did everyone have a great Thanksgiving? Let's hope you didn't have to eat a dessert that looked like this.

The Blasphemer's Bible has plenty more talk about angels taking advantage of humans.

For those of you who have heard the story about the Belgian man in a coma who suddenly began typing out sentences thanks to a facilitator, take a look at the article written up by James Randi which exposed the frauds who are perpetuating the myth of facilitated communication.

Glamour's plus-sized models are surprisingly not plus-sized.

Amazon's Black Friday sales have been nice. I picked up the first four seasons of House for only $50.

Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey dap,
I eat the turkey and I take a nap

Feeling: Happy


It turns out that ants have an internal pedometer that they use to figure out how to get home after making a journey. Instead of memorizing their surroundings, they actually count the number of steps they made. Awesome!

Yeah, it's pretty much like this.

Some children's coloring books are not quite suitable for children.

Today, the Blasphemer's Bible features its first angel. Its first horny angel.

Christians obsess about sex in the same way that anorexic people obsess about food. They do everything in their power to prevent even the slightest amount of sex from occurring, taking it even so far as to create the side-hug. It's a type of hug that Christian teenagers need to adopt in order to prevent them from accidentally pressing their sinful crotches togetheróbecause Jesus never hugged anyone like that. Luckily, they've created a rap to show us how it's done.

While you're practicing your side hugs, you may also want to try the new Jesus diet which asks, what would Jesus eat? Because we all know that knowledge of nutrition peaked 2,000 years ago.

The Muppets do Queen.

Happy anniversary Origin of Species

Feeling: Sleepy


Today is the 150th anniversary of one of the most influential and important books in the history of the world, On the Origin of Species. Charles Darwin published this book and gave biology the answer it had been looking for to explain the diversity, and yet, surprising similarities, of the natural world. Now, 150 years later, over 99% of life-scientists believe in the theory of evolution because of the massive amounts of evidence. However, we still have nay-sayers who bury their heads in the sand and say "la la la, I can't hear you." A couple days ago, Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron handed out altered copies of "On the Origin of Species" which removed key sections of the book and added a new introduction that includes many lies about evolution, Darwin, and science in general. But, does that go far enough? Maybe you should get the Kirk Cameron Action Kit.

Check out the uterus on Noah's wife in, the Blasphemer's Bible. I made a slight change to the top rated page so now comics are sorted, not just by average rating, but also by quantity of ratings. This gives a slightly more accurate view of the favorite comics.

A little while ago there was a debate on the BBC about whether Catholicism was a force for good in the world. It only lasts an hour, but some very important points are made. Votes by the crowd are made before and after the debate, and the ending result is very impressive.

Want to hear some of the worst voice-acting ever?

Back from Boyne

Feeling: Sleepy


My weekend was a lot of fun. I drove up to Boyne Falls with my brother and his two sons. We stayed at my parent's timeshare--an apartment-esque hotel with all the amenities. We spent the bulk of Saturday at Avalanche Bay, an indoor water park, which was fantastic. However, the trip has reassured me that I never want children. Ever. In fact, I'm considering giving myself an emergency vasectomy, just to be on the safe side.

We've finally made it to Noah in the Blasphemer's Bible.

For as much as I mock the USA's awful laws regarding digital rights and the Internet, they're not even remotely as bad as the new Digital Economy Bill of Great Britain. Basically, the entertainment industry has wooed the Secretary of State, Peter Mandelson, and he pushed through a bill that takes away a great deal of freedom from British citizens. An entire family can lose their Internet access if any of them are accused of file-sharing, even without a trial convicting them! ISPs are now forced to spy on their customers, and can be heavily fined if they don't do what the entertainment companies demand. Much of the power rests on Peter Mandelson who may now make up any new laws regarding the bill that he wants, without government approval. He can even increase the fines to any amount, and even add jail time as punishment. And since he's in bed with the entertainment industry, we can assume that he will.

Want to piss off the police? Do what this 15-year-old did and call 911 when your parents take away your Xbox.

All of the gas giant planets in our solar system have rings around them, but the rocky planets do not. But what would it look like if they did? Specifically, what would the Earth look like with rings?

I've added a new section to the VGMPF Wiki that includes notes for works in progress with ripping music, and screenshots of videogame credits.

There are a couple new links to puzzle games on my online games page. And speaking of puzzle games, let's all have a good laugh at the rather vulgar statements found in these puzzles.

Off to Boyne

Feeling: Happy


Punch-Out!! is already funny enough because of all the racist stereotypes, but it's even better when real people play the parts.

Want to know the truth about Methuselah? Check out the Blasphemer's Bible.

And read it while you can, because if the Islamist countries of the UN have their way, blasphemy will be illegal.

Do you think maybe the allergy labels are going a little too far when they require a jar of peanuts to mention, "warning: contains peanuts".

Want to fold a record-breaking paper airplane? Check out the Sky King design.

This evening I'm heading up north with my brother and two nephews. We're staying at a hotel at Boyne Mountain and checking out their indoor water park. Should be fun times.

All I want for Christmas is my jaw to stop hurting

Feeling: Happy


It's getting to be that time of year again. Time when Christians, who stole their winter holiday from the Pagans, get even more self-righteous than usual, and claim that all festivities in December may only exist to serve their agenda. Take the hate-mongers at the American Family Association; they want everyone to boycott the Gap because they produced a commercial that lists Hanukkah, Kwanza, and Solstice right along with Christmas! How dare they?! The Friendly Atheist has all the details.

Examine the life of Cainan through Enoch in the Blasphemer's Bible.

My bite splint came in today, so my dentist fitted me with it. I now own a shiny piece of plastic for a mere $500. I only had to pay $175 of it. Awfully pricey, but if it prevents my jaw from ever popping or clicking again I'd pay a cool grand in a heart beat. My jaw has its good days and bad days, but overall it has been improving.

Parents like to think that they can be firm with their children and tell them "no" when they beg for something in the store. However, as television tie-in cereals prove, a parent is nothing short of a child's bitch.

I'm mad as a hatter and strung out just the same

Feeling: Happy


Sarah Palin is kicking off the signing tour for her new book. Personally, I think it's really sad what people are doing to her. The only reason they gave a retarded person a book deal is so they could laugh at what she writes--that's so cruel. She's laughing along because she doesn't know any better; she thinks these people are her friends. It's almost as bad as those people who dressed her up like a real person and told her they were going to make her vice president, that was so mean! Why can't they just leave her alone? Here she is, a mentally-handicapped failed beauty queen from Idaho, with dreams of becoming a sportscaster, and then some jerks told her to run for governor. Well, of course she's going to win, who wouldn't give a sympathy vote to the poor derelict? They knew that she wasn't capable of finishing out a single term as governor in one of the least populated states in the country, but still, people have the nerve to convince her she is smart enough to write a book! It's just not nice, people. And those of you buying her book should all be ashamed. You're only encouraging people to put her in nice business suits and tell her she should run for emperor of Mars, or something. Just give her some magic markers (washable, in case she colors on the walls), and put her in her playpen. She enjoy the music-playing mobiles and her stuffed animals and we can stop exploiting her for entertainment.

There are several more additions to the VGMPF Wiki. I added a comparison of audio quality between different PC audio devices.

A woman in Somalia was stoned to death for adultery, while her boyfriend -might- receive 100 lashes. Seems fair to me.

Seth's son, Enos, is born in the Blasphemer's Bible.

When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery

Feeling: Happy


The morning I awoke to a dream about limos and talking cats. You know, the usual.

Have you ever been up high? I mean like on top of the Sears Tower or something? Well, this blows that out of the water. If you're afraid of heights, you probably won't enjoy the view from the top of the spire on the Burj Dubai, the tallest structure on Earth.

I've added a new section to the VGMPF Wiki for the different types of PC hardware. Each DOS game will include a list of the supported audio device.

Seth becomes an adult in the Blasphemer's Bible.

While walking past one of the large play areas for kids in the mall I spotted a child standing on the railing at the edge of the play area. He was about four feet off the ground, and seemed rather proud of himself for being such a daredevil. While the other kids were content to frolicking on the soft objects in the play area, he defied death by climbing on the railing which hard hard tiles on the other side, should he fall. I chuckled to myself as I past him because I envisioned myself pushing him in the back, and admiring his flailing fall through the air and eventual face-plant on the ground. It would be hilarious. Does that make me a bad person?

Here's an interesting graphic showing what the 2012 doomsdayers are saying compared with rational non-idiotic people.

My car rules!

Feeling: Loved


I had a pretty amazing weekend. On Saturday I went to the mall, and when I left I found this note on my car. Talk about making my week! The only problem is that there want a number left with it. Alas! I also hung out with my friend Devin and then went and saw the musical, "Zombie Prom".

Want to know a brief history of the Internet.

An Evangelical pastor is a child molester. Gee, that happens so often it's barely even newsworthy these days. It's still not quite as common as a pastor extorting money from his followers. This is what happens when you can't think for yourself people.

Plenty more updates in the VGMPF Wiki.

Apple, once again, proves that it is a horrible dictator that rules with an iron fist as it sues its competition. They should be lucky to have competition for their computers. If it wasn't for their lame iPhones and iPods they probably wouldn't even exist.

Adam celebrates his 930th birthday in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Sup hos?

Feeling: Happy


The structure of the VGMPF Wiki is almost complete.

Remember the good old days back when photos came in black and white? Well, Black and WTF chronicles photos from that era which proves that people back then were freaks!

Seeing double? Nah, it's just the Blasphemer's Bible! I added a "recent comments" page to it as well that shows comments and links you to them.

Girl! If you're wondering if I want you to... I want you to!

Feeling: Happy


More has been updated in the VGMPF Wiki.

It turns out that putting a cross over a stained-glass window on a state license plate does indeed violate the first amendment.

More confusing biblical dialog has been deconfused thanks to the Blasphemer's Bible.

I finished Anne Rice's Interview With the Vampire. It was pretty good. A bit slow near the end, but certainly worth the read.

Jaw is almost healed!

Feeling: Nostalgic


Two people commented on my beard yesterday, so you know it's doing well.

Beat my first game of Master of Magic last night. I'm starting a new one today on the next difficulty level.

We're already 130 years into the biblical story, and Seth has just been born in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Progress continues in the VGMPF Wiki.

I'm so ashamed of myself; I got a copy of Roger Whittaker's Christmas album. Roger Whittaker is an adult easy-listening musician that my mom listens to; including his Christmas album that played each year at my house. After hearing "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman" on the radio, I thought to myself, "Roger Whittaker's version was better." So, I got the easy-listening Christmas album I grew up on to hear some nostalgia. I apologize to all my rocker friends... I'm weak and not worthy of heavy metal.

Beard is progressing slowly, but steadily

Feeling: Okay


I decided to re-read "Where the Wild Things Are" to see just how much of the movie I forgot from the book. It turns out, nothing. The book is just as I remembered it; incredibly short, and nothing at all like the movie.

I started playing Master of Magic again last night. That game is so amazing! I started at 10:30, and didn't finish until 2:30!

Pimps get a free pass to murder in the Blasphemer's Bible.

It turns out that babies can't be prayed into existence after all.

It turns out that Suzanne Somers, most famous for playing a ditzy blonde in Three's Company (how did she pull that off?), is probably causing more cancer than she's preventing. She's written a couple books about curing and preventing cancer by injecting and swallowing tons of "natural" (AKA, synthesized in a laboratory) drugs. But could it be that swallowing 60 pills a day and injecting growth hormones could be bad?

Thinking about a full beard

Feeling: Okay


I picked up the new Weezer album (Raditude) over the weekend. It's pretty good; better than the red album. I've only listened to it a couple times so far, but I especially like "I Want You To" and "The Girl Got Hot".

A man who was having an affair was stoned to death in Somalia. His mistress would have been stoned to death as well, but it turns out she's pregnant. So, she'll be stoned to death after she gives birth. How quaint.

For those of you interested in computer demos that involve physics, check out this page.

Check out the pimp Lamech in the Blasphemer's Bible.

I had a great weekend. The weather was superb and I was able to drive around one last time with my top down. I also took advantage to the nice weather by giving Chloe an bath and cleaning her interior. Even though people told me not to spend so much on a car, I still walk up to my car in the parking lot and get extremely happy that my car is so awesome looking!

My jaw has also slowly been improving. It's still sore by the end of the day, but it rarely pops anymore, and I'm back to eating regular foods. Still no gum though.

Remember that Minnesota family who just didn't want to give their cancerous son chemo therapy? Well, after the courts forced him to undergo the treatment, he is now cancer free! Amazing how that works, isn't it?

There are a large number of cats who have better credentials than you.

Beard now looks like I forgot to shave

Feeling: Okay


It turns out that when bears go bald they look like demon-possessed elephants.

Cain single-handedly builds a city in the Blasphemer's Bible.

There is a teacher in Texas who will probably get fired because she believes that giving the school a copy of her fingerprints violates, oddly enough, her freedom of religion. She believes that being fingerprinted is the infamous mark of the beast (666) as mentioned in the bible. While I laugh at the ridiculous fairytale notion of the mark of the beast, I do concede that the school where she works has no right to take a piece of her personal identity. This woman is babysitting a bunch of delinquents not handling government secrets. The idea of willingly handing over my personal identity to any authority just makes my 1984 alarm go off.

Tomorrow is the first annual Carl Sagan Day.

My friend Amanda sent me this Tim Minchin rant that perfectly echoes my sentiments.

Face just looks dirty...

Feeling: Okay


While watching TV, I noticed this awful burning smell emanating from it. My TV is actually just a monitor for my computer, which I watch movies on, both of which seemed to be working just fine despite the burning. I shut down the computer and turned off the TV to look for the source of the smell. Either device was going to cost an arm and a leg to replace. I checked the hall and hoped that the burning was coming from somewhere else, but it was indeed from my apartment. I unhooked the PC and pulled it into another room--it seemed fine. I went back to my TV, and the back seemed to have an awful smell. I left it alone for a few hours and when the smell cleared, I came back and turned it on. Sure enough, after a few seconds, the smell picked up again. Great, my $2,000 TV just passed it's warranty and now it's going to be a huge brick! Well, suddenly it hit me, I had been watching a fly buzzing around my floor lamp, and said fly was mysteriously silent now. I bent the lamp down, and sure enough, tucked up under the halogen bulb was a crispy house fly.

Cain gets it on with his sister in the Blasphemer's Bible. Aww-yeah!

My jaw has been progressing. I'm now able to go most of the day without pain, but chewy foods are still my undoing. Soon, I will be chewing gum again... and angels will sing out.

Growing back the beard

Feeling: Okay


You know what's odd? The hair on my chin grows a lot slower than the hair on the cheeks, but I keep the hair on my chin, and shave the hair on my cheeks. That's what's odd.

It's not just Christians who abuse their children. This Russian family has a child who has verses of the Qur'an miraculously being scratched into his skin. Is God putting them there or is the child's parents scratching them into his skin when nobody is watching and then exploiting him? Gosh, it's such a hard question to figure out!

What's the harm in dowsing? Well, when you use the same principle in bomb detectors, and sell them to people in a dangerous area, you get a whole bunch of deaths.

Cain reaches Nod in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Italy finally gets around to removing crucifixes from their schools. A Vatican spokesmen said, "The crucifix has always been a sign of God's love, unity and hospitality to all humanity." Although, he was cut-off just before he was planning to add, "Especially to those filthy Muslims during the Crusades."

If ever a wonderful whiz there was...

Feeling: Okay


I'd like to, once again, say that the US patent system is bullshit. Why, you ask? How about the fact that one-fifth of your genes have been patented. Yes, you read correctly, a good portion of who you are, and the DNA used to make up your individual characteristics is actually owned by a company. Awhile ago a company called Myriad Genetics of Salt Lake City actually received a patent on the genes responsible for breast cancer. Because they have a patent, it is illegal for anyone else to work on creating genetic preventative measures for breast cancer unless they pay them royalties. Thankfully, U.S. District Judge Robert W. Sweet of New York just ruled that it is okay to challenge the patent in court. Let's hope they succeed.

God makes a mistake in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Some people think I'm too hard on religious folks. But how can you not make fun of people who believe that Jesus crackers turn into heart tissue when they fall into water?

I went to the dentist today to get molds made for my bite splint. It wasn't all that fun.

Japanese pop-culture overload!

Feeling: Blah


Youmacon was a lot of fun this year. Despite the fact that they sucked at getting me my pass, I was able to get in without a problem. Friday evening, after work, I roamed around, played DDR, checked out the artists, played some games, swam, and said hello to many people. I finally went to bed (the back seat of my car) at 5 AM. I woke up four hours later Saturday morning, got into my Nikki costume, roamed around for photo shoots, went to breakfast, and then set off on my own. I met several cool people, though sadly, most of them turned out to be jailbait. Why are all of my hobbies enjoyed primarily by teenagers? I attended the rave at midnight, and then got home at 3 AM. I slept until 3:00 PM on Sunday and spent the day recovering. Today I'm feeling mildly under the weather, but I don't think I'll get sick.

The XKCD comic of today is amazing. It has a line chart of the entire trilogy of Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, broken down by all of the character interactions and battles.

Before you have a birthday cake made for your 11 year old son, make sure the cake decorator knows what a baseball bat looks like.

Cain gets cursed in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Awhile ago, Ray Comfort's group started asking for money so that it could hand out copies of Darwin's now public domain book, On the Origin of Species. Well, the publisher's preview has been circulating for awhile now, and a wonderful review has been written by Eugine C. Scott. The main point of her review focuses on the "misinformation" inserted by Ray Comfort. I have a less-tactful word, "lies". First of all, Ray Comfort's version is missing four entire chapters, and it's no coincidence that the absent chapters have the strongest evidence of evolution. Also, Comfort's introduction in chocked full of lies. Rather than talk about the hundreds of transitional fossil specimens that have been discovered in the last century, Comfort focuses on a very select few specimens from the 1800s. Even then, what he says about those specimens is wrong. This is no longer a matter of simply being ignorant, Comfort has had his errors pointed out to him numerous times by scientists, but he continues to spout these lies. These deceptive tactics are actually quite common amongst young-Earth Creationists, but you kind of have to be a liar if you're trying to convince people that the Earth is only 6,000 years old.

In case you've missed them, here are the top Internet memes of 2009.