December, 2009

Almost there!

Feeling: Sick


Feeling better again. I almost switched my emoticon to blah instead of sick, but I figured I'd give it one more day.

Tonight is a blue moon. No, the moon will not be blue, but we will have two full moons in a single month! This happens because a lunar cycle is only 29.5 days, so every few years we get an extra one. Despite what astrologers will tell you, it has no special effect on anything, but it's still kind of cool.

The ark strikes land in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Ghostbusters is looking to become a trilogy!

Happy arbitrarily designated new year. I plan on doing nothing tonight, cleaning tomorrow, and maybe trying out snow boarding this Sunday. Good times.

Not out of the woods yet

Feeling: Sick


Feeling a little better. I still woke up this morning choking on phlegm, but my head is clearer.

Learn to spell with cute comics.

Getting ready to get a new ink cartridge for you printer? You may be pissed to know that printer ink costs more than blood, vodka, and penicillin combined!

God murders everyone on Earth in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Ginko biloba is, once again, shown to be ineffective at slowing mental decline.

For those of you interested in outer space, here is National Geographic's top 10 space pictures.

Go play a mess of free online games.

Zero homeopathic preparations were used in the curing of this cold

Feeling: Sick


My rhino/corona virus has gone into remission. Sweet!

You don't believe in God... BINGO! I've heard the bulk of these statements before, and while some of them are legitimate, it does become tiresome to have to answer them over and over again.

Seriously? These are the things major companies have been trying to patent?

Noah questions his foresight in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Add not eating dinner to the list of "things that are not important enough to warrant a 911 call".

Cough cough.

Feeling: Sick


I've spent the last three days in bed with a cold. It has been pretty mild, which is a good thing; I prefer keeping my immune system up to date. However, I still took the day off in order to let my body heal itself. I'll be back to work tomorrow, no doubt.

Noah mocks the dying in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Happy 4-day weekend!

Feeling: Cheery


Don't get scammed by any of the more popular fraud methods going around.

Noah takes a break in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Woman calls 911 because her son won't stop playing videogames. Seriously? Hit your stupid child in the face, and then smack yourself for being such an incompetent parent. Loser!

Be wary of some of these geek Christmas cards.

Yummy, delicious eggnog!

Feeling: Happy


I should not be allowed to play with children's refrigerator magnets.

Oklahoma Senator Todd Lamb is a huge douche! He drafted a bill that would put personal information online of women who undergo abortion. The bill is currently under restraint, but not off the table. While it won't place any direct information of the women getting abortions, it will publicly post the results of at least 37 personal questions involving their history of sex, psychology, abuse, rape, incest, etc. Critics claim that this information would be more than enough to figure out who the person is, especially in this computer age. If passed, the bill would also suck up $250,000 dollars every year in taxes! Douchebag Todd Lamb says that by collecting this "evidence" and posting it online for everyone in the world to see, it will be easier to treat, counsel, and prevent abortion. That's like claiming that if we put arrest records of heart disease victims online, it'll be easier to treat heart disease. It's bullshit and Southern-Baptist-church-attending Lamb knows it. Douchebag Lamb also said that Oklahoma is a pro-life state which sides with the sanctity of life, but failed to mention that he has fought to keep the death penalty legal in Oklahoma, the state with the country's third highest execution rate! Way to uphold that sanctity of life, douchebag.

That bill will be as effective as raping lesbians to turn them straight.

Noah begins loading the ark with animals in the Blasphemer's Bible.

As a self-proclaimed nerd and geek, I take offense to Dr. Anderegg's idea that the words should be censored. First of all, censorship is a misguided idea that has never worked, and almost always has the opposite effect of what was intended. Second, if Dr. Anderegg was actually in touch with the youth culture of today, he would know that the words "nerd" and "geek" have long since been reclaimed. While the ones calling people "nerd" and "dork" may believe that they're throwing out an insult, the ones targeted by the words realize that what is really being said is, "you're really smart and skilled in intellectual pursuits. I hope to one day pump your gas." "Nerd" is a compliment, not an insult.

Yes, being good with computers is just like this.

People should really be forced to pass tests before reproducing

Feeling: Annoyed


My weekend was pretty spiffy. Amber and I attended the Fredrick Meijer Gardens and saw their Christmas tree exhibit. We also ate dinner next to this group of extremely annoying and moronic people who spent the entire time proving their stupidity. When we first sat down one New Age girl was explaining to the others how karma works. She spoke about it as though it were an precise science as opposed to a vague nebulous idea. She mentioned how karma is cosmic punishment that affects how were are reincarnated and celebrities are the most evil people, but hobos are really good people. She was positive that an insect is the worst form you could be reincarnated to, but what's so bad about insects? They're strong and industrious and live in cooperative societies that hippies like her could only dream of. Someone asked if plants could be part of reincarnation, and what about rocks? The karma expert said that only things with souls could reincarnate. Then, the loudest and most obnoxious one of the group actually said that some really old rock had souls, especially lava which was a "living breathing thing!" The group then went on for several minutes trying to define what "life" meant. Karma girl then she went on to explain how all religions are the same. They all want peace and love for all people. One person wisely pointed out that Christianity is responsible for the Crusades, Inquisition, etc. and her boyfriend pointed out that the only way a Muslim can get into Heaven and have his virgins is by blowing up a whole bunch of people, which they all agreed upon. I think they have just a slightly skewed idea of how Islam works. Their genius conversation also covered astrology, and how it's just totally real OMG!, how butterfly tattoos are great for covering up frog tattoos, and how the movie "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" was a true story, and how, although the girl the movie was based on was diagnosed as a schizophrenic, she was really possessed by demons, but she died before they could prove it. It took all my self-control not to turn around and point and scream, "STUPID! YOU'RE SO STUPID!" One of the girls mentioned that she had a son. Why do we allow people this idiotic to reproduce? Why do we let them vote? And these people weren't kids either, they were probably in their 30s. I can't imagine how these people were able to survive this long! It still works me up even thinking about them!

Today is the winter solstice!

Take a moment to learn a bit about the US presidents.

Noah gathers thousands of tons of food for his upcoming voyage in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Young-Earth Creationists believe that the Earth is only 6,000 years old. The Sumerian culture is much older though, so they must have really been confused when God tried to create the Earth around their cities.

Have you ever tried to pigeon-hole a person by the authors they read?

I've updated the Spy Hunter memory offsets in the hacking page. The new values will allow you to have infinite lives, get any item, adjust the amount of enemy cars allowed on the screen (even to zero!), adjust the type of car, position your car anywhere,

The hotel shop only had two decent books, and I'd written both of them. ~ Douglas Adams

Feeling: Happy


Looks like I won't be able to replace Chloe with a newer version in a few years; Saab is disappearing.

I finished up the formats section of the VGMPF Wiki. Onward and upward!

Watch Noah gather dangerous animals in the Blasphemer's Bible.

I've added the memory offsets to the hacking page for A Boy and His Blob. The notes allow you to adjust the amount of jellybeans, vitamins, treasure, lives, and which room you and your blob are in.

The ancient Romans built their greatest masterpieces of architecture for wild beasts to fight in.
~ Voltaire

Feeling: Happy


Alarm clocks need to be altered in some way so that when you're dreaming about naked women, they can't wake you up.

Ever wonder how spaceships from different sci-fi universes match up? This site has scale drawings of ships from all the movies and shows!

Happiness is an alphabetized DVD collection.

The VGMPF Wiki now has 64 different audio format extensions, more pages than the previous site.

Ark building has commenced in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Memory offsets for Mega Man 2 are now in the hacking notes page. Offsets give you the ability to get infinite lives, infinite energy tanks, infinite HP, bosses' HP, get any weapon or item at any time, have infinite power for all weapons and items, and constant invincibility.

Intelligent design is so unintelligent that it's almost like God lost a bet.

And I know it's in me to get away from this

Feeling: Happy


More work has been done on the formats section of the VGMPF Wiki. I've converted several and added several more.

Noah begins gathering materials for the ark in the Blasphemer's Bible.

I added the memory offsets of Excitebike to the hacking notes page. The offsets include the temperature gauge, time, and speed.

Evangelist Oral Roberts died yesterday at the age of 91. During his life, he claimed to be able to raise people from the dead (never did prove it, though). In 1980 he made a mere $88,000,000, which is about $240,000 a day (I don't think Jesus needed that much money). He was involved in several lawsuits involving improper use of funds from his company, though he was never actually convicted of fraud. I'd have to say, his magnum opus was when he suckered viewers out of $9.1 million in a fundraiser by telling the people that if he couldn't gather enough money, God would "call him home" (i.e., kill him). The sad part isn't that Roberts got away with all of that, it's that he's one of the more ethical evangelists.

Duck Tales... Wooo-oooo!

Feeling: Happy


Yet another clinical test shows that the MMR vaccine has no correlation with autism.

God drops a bombshell in the Blasphemer's Bible.

New hacking notes. Castlevania II: Simon's Quest lets you alter pretty much everything about the game, Double Dribble has the offsets for time and scores, and Dragon Ninja has hit points, lives, time, and enemy boss hit points.

There are several more updates to formats page of the VGMPF Wiki.

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities ~ Voltaire

Feeling: Content


Want to turn your bagel into a Mobius strip?

Enjoy these crazy awesome snow sculptures.

God changes things up in the Blasphemer's Bible.

This page contains a list of 651 logical proofs for the existence of God. It also contains 651 logical fallacies.

Sure, The Lord of the Rings is an epic story, but let's just take a look at some of the really bad decisions made by the heroes.

I've added some hacking notes for the NES port of Blades of Steel.

Take a puff, that's enough, pass it to a friend

Feeling: Happy


The American health care system failed Tillmon Webb, but not as much as his god failed him.

Noah gets his order on how to fill the ark in the Blasphemer's Bible.

If you haven't yet been forwarded a lame email about the liberal war on Christmas, don't worry, you soon will. If you're lucky enough to get a poem, perhaps you can spice it up a bit with some rational thinking like this guy did.

It was bound to happen eventually--Michigan is following the lead of numerous other states by having a bill to ban smoking in all work places including restaurants, bars, and clubs. Even though I'm not a smoker, I oppose this bill. For one, the bill is inconsistent. It gives special exemption to casinos. It seems the message law-makers are trying to convey is that second-hand smoke is very bad for your health, unless you're gambling, in which case it somehow becomes healthy. The bill even says that smoking in the bars that are inside of casino will be banned, but as soon as you leave the bar and start dumping your hard-earned money into a state-taxed slot machine, it's okay. Even a five-year-old can see the bullshit there. The second problem I have with this bill is that the majority of Michigan restaurants (at least in my area) are already smoke-free. If I don't like how smoky a restaurant is, I can exercise my freedom of choice and simply go next door. There are plenty of alternatives. Why should I demand that other people conform to my level of heath when they're not affecting me? Third, I don't like the idea of government telling me how healthy I need to be. I realize that banning smoking isn't the same as banning red meat or salt. If I eat unhealthy food it won't affect the person sitting next to me. However, smoking is very similar to loud rock concerts and clubs. Concert-goers listen to really loud music that is permanently damaging their hearing. We understand this, but we do it anyway because we like loud music. Still, there are a lot of people who complain that concerts and clubs are too loud, and therefore, unhealthy. If these people had their way, we'd all be listening to our music at five instead of Spinal Tap's eleven. A ban on smoking doesn't affect me, but a ban on loud concerts sure would! Since both scenarios use the same arguments, I'm against them both.

My witches' brew - ooo, what's it gonna do to you?

Feeling: Happy


Played DDR for two straight hours last night, and I was happy. I got back in the groove so that I was able to beat Max 300 again. Word!

In case you missed them, here are the top 10 fails of 2009.

Noah realizes who God intends to murder in the Blasphemer's Bible.

I'd like all my single female friends to read this article which claims that casual sex does no more psychological harm than monogamous sex. Then, call me, and we'll discuss it.

It's beginning to be that time of year again. Time when total jerks spend as much as the national debt on Christmas lights. Here are just a few over-the-top decorated houses.

Have you ever tried to design a web page for someone who doesn't understand the concepts of design? It goes a little something like this.

DDR makes everything better

Feeling: Okay


My friend Robin is moving soon, so she was kind enough to dump her shelves on me. I may finally have enough shelf space to alphabetize my movie collection!

Detailed architectural blueprints of the ark are added to the Blasphemer's Bible.

I looked out the window at 1:00 AM last night and saw that everything was blanketed in wet snow. This morning, I took extra care to get ready, layering up, expecting there to be several inches of snow. When I walked outside, all the snow had melted away. I felt a bit overdressed.

I've never experienced anything from the Twilight series, but I found these two recreations of New Moon hilarious. The first is the movie if it were 10 times shorter and 100 times more honest, the second recreates the movie using lolcats.

Ever think about getting plastic surgery to make yourself feel better. I'm not really against it. People judge each other based on their looks. It's not fair, but it's also not going to stop. Thankfully, there will always be doctors who don't know when enough is enough and will perform totally unnecessary surgery.

Emotions ruin everything

Feeling: Lonely


Enjoy a collection of the more recent viral videos.

The dimensions of the ark are explained in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Science has made some impressive discoveries over the year, and here are a look at some pictures that showcase the best of them.

Forgive me for getting all self-absorbed with this upcoming paragraph, but it's my blog, and I'll say whatever I want. Part of being an insufferable know-it-all cynic means that few people can actually stomach being around me. This ultimately leads to a lot of alone time, which I'm usually okay with. However, a few recent unrelated events, and a long stints without intimacy, have left me feeling rather lonely. That makes me wonder how important my incredibly high standards really are. Sometimes I feel that I should throw caution into the wind and settle down just so I won't have to be alone anymore. I'm in the process of reminding myself how selfish it is to do something like that. Desperation causes people to make rash decisions which they ultimately regret. I don't mind making mistakes, but I prefer that my mistakes are my own, and not thrust upon someone else. I'm not really sure why I'm writing this, but it feels like I'm accomplishing something when I get these thoughts out of my head.

Need more sleeps

Feeling: Blah


I had to work Saturday in order to prepare for the upcoming inventory in Georgia which is next weekend, which I'll probably be working as well. I did get to do a little hanging out with my homies though.


Does God use eggs to communicate? A Texas couple sure thinks so.

Get some gopher wood from the Blasphemer's Bible.

Corduroy skirts are a sin.


Finally! Pork from a laboratory!

It's amazing how much empty space there is in our solar system when you see it in a scale model.


Since flu season is in full swing, it's important to talk about worthless, and potentially dangerous, treatments like Zicam and AirShield, as well as anything containing antioxidants.

Also, for those of you interested in the evidence behind homeopathy, you may want to watch The Parliamentary Science and Technology Select Committee. You'll see a lot of scientists telling you that homeopathy is useless, and a lot of business men saying that, yes there isn't any evidence that homeopathy works, but people keep buying it, so therefore it should continue to be sold, a few manufacturers who won't agree that evidence-based medicine is a good standard for testing homeopathy, and a single doctor who claims that homeopathy works. It's about 2 hours long, but well worth it.


Make the entire world one long episode of MST3000 with these glasses.

Shut up woman, get on my horse!

I'm living for the weekend

Feeling: Happy


Some things feel like they've been around forever, even when they didn't get their start until the 2000s.

Read about biblical irony in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Human mirrors should only happen in the Twilight Zone.

I've added a new hardware page to the VGMPF Wiki that contains a list of all of the PC audio devices used over the years.

I added a couple screenshots from Shadowgate to the NES Religion page.

It is the distant future... the year 2000!

Feeling: Sleepy


Ghetto talkin' in the Blasphemer's Bible.

More minor updates to the VGMPF Wiki.

Comcast is buying a controlling interest in NBC-Universal. Wonderful--as if they didn't already own enough of the communications industry. I'm sure we can trust them to continue to treat their customers with dignity and respect, never trying to rape them with exorbitant fees and shitty service, and certainly never giving our personal information over to the entertainment industry. Oh wait... They are the entertainment industry now.

I am now the proud owner of the first four seasons of House. w00t!

You're driving me crazy, when are you coming home?

Feeling: Happy


There are some more updates in the VGMPF Wiki.

God prepares to murder the world in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Here are answers to the seven most common arguments brought up in by climate change deniers.

Videogame translation fails.

Is it also possible to have a case of the Tuesdays?

Feeling: Okay


A few days ago, the button on my computer speaker stopped working. It would still push in, but it wouldn't stay in. I could tape it down, but then I'd have to leave it turned on all the time and it would suck up sweet juicy electricity. I decided to attempt to repair it. There wasn't a single screw showing on the unit, but I was able to pry the black mesh speaker cover off, and found the screws behind it. Once I opened the speaker, I found out why the button wasn't working. The button was attached to a spring, and had a small metal latching mechanism, similar to a clickable ballpoint pen. However, the latch was slipping out of it's housing after being used for so long. I needed to attach a small and hard flat object to the button housing to prevent the latch from coming loose. Metal was out of the question, since I didn't want to short circuit the board. My final solution was to cut up a small piece of a yogurt container and roll it up into a small cylinder. The cylinder was tucked against the speaker wall and the button housing, the springy cylinder applied a constant pressure on button housing, forcing the latch to hook properly. I'm quite proud of my MacGyver repair job.

Quazar gets offended in the Blasphemer's Bible.

Want a good laugh? Check out this cartoon the Mormons created to explain their beliefs to children.

What would happen if all those ghost hunter shows actually turned up conclusive evidence of ghosts?