There are some people who aren't sure what they want in a lover, there are some people who have a general idea what they want, then there are the incredibly picky ones like me. I'm the kind of person that loves to make
lists and categorize things and ever since I became interested in dating I've been making lists of what I want in a lover (yes, even before Alanis' song). Well, as the years changed, my personality changed, so my list has
changed as well. Here is the most up-to-date list of the things I want in a lover. But, as the song goes, these are not necessarily needs, but qualities which I prefer. And because I didn't want to create an order of
importance, I've put them in alphabetical order.
Addictions - None, thank you. This of course negates junkies, smokers, alcoholics, and the like, but this also relates to psychological addictions like gambling and eating disorders. Trust me, you'll have your
hands full just trying to put up with me, the last thing you'll need is substance dependence. I don't mind habits, of which I have a few as well, because they usually don't interfere with getting the ol' job done.
Adventurous - This includes things like exploring, going to new places, road trips. I like to try new things whether it be foods, games, styles, etc. I'm not always up for something different, but I'm not afraid
of trying new things either. And you shouldn't just go with the flow, you should offer your own adventures as well.
Appearance - Call me shallow, but I don't want to be with someone who I'm not really attracted to. I personally believe that it is very important for a couple to be very attracted to each other. I don't totally
agree with society's idea of attractive, but I still like a healthy figure and clean hair. I also think that personality is a big part of how attractive someone is. I do spend a little time on my physical appearance and I
like looking good, but I don't dwell on my looks, nor do I freak out if I'm wearing sweat pants.
Athletic - You don't have to be a professional jock, but you should be in good shape. I personally run, skate, play DDR, hike, lift weights, exercise, bike, and play the occasional organized sport at family
gatherings. We don't have to like the same physical activitiesbut you should be willing to wrestle with me on occasion.
Challenging - I've been with people who I liked in nearly every way, but due to the fact that the relationship wasn't challenging I couldn't remain interested. I need someone who can test my boundries, push me to
the limit, make me succeed when they know I can. I need motivation, and in turn I will try to do the same.
Communicative - It's very frustrating when there is obviously something wrong and when I ask the reply is "nothing". I don't like playing guessing games with feelings. I prefer to have my annoyances told to me
even if they make me angry at the time. If you look fat in those pants, I'll let you know. I also don't like it when people mumble something under their breath so you can't understand it, and then refuse to tell you what
Compassion - I like people who are able to show compassion towards others and themselves. I enjoy helping the needy provided they truly need help. Doing something nice for someone really does make me feel good
and I hope that you would feel that same way.
Competitive - I am a very competitive person. I like to win, and I won't let anyone win just because they're not as skilled. I'm not just competitive at games, but also life in general. This tends to really annoy
people who have a bad attitude towards competitiveness. I don't pout when I lose, but I prefer to win, and sometimes I have a hard time letting things go, especially in arguments. If you don't mind competitive people, or
if you're competitive yourself we should get along nicely.
Critical Thinker - I have a hard time consorting with people who are willing to believe everything they're told. I'm very skeptical which always causes plenty of arguments with faith-believers whether they're
traditionally religious, part of a neo-religion, or just plain gullible. I have researched a lot of issues and have come up with opinions for them. Like anyone, I am biased towards certain ideals, but on the whole, I like
to think I'm open minded to topics that deserve an open mind. If you put a lot of stock in astrology, auras, gods, prayer, mystical energies, acupuncture, etc., you're probably not going to like what I have to say.
Ethical - I feel that it is important to have a set of rules for yourself and abide by them. These rules don't have to be the social norm, but we should at least see eye-to-eye on some of them like murder is bad,
stealing is wrong, abusing trust isn't nice, etc. I expect your ethics to change just like everyone else's, but hopefully not too drastic too often.
Fair - I don't approve of those who cheat, steal, change the rules, cut lines, or try to abuse the system so that they can get ahead at the expense of others. I try hard to stay fair in games and well as life and
I prefer like-minded people.
Humanist - I think all people have the capacity to be ethical and do what they feel is right especially when it comes to the happiness of others. I don't think people are born that way and I don't think everyone
wants to be that way. But I feel with proper guidance, environment, and sometimes medication, people can live happily together. I believe in second chances, thus I'm against capital punishment, but I also believe in strict
Humor - I love to laugh, I like comedies, I don't take things too seriously, and I can laugh at myself. Spending time with overly serious people is very confining for me as is people who can't appreciate a dark
sense of humor. After being around me for only a few minutes you'll start to see my sarcasm and light-hearted attitude.
Independence - I like people who don't need to be told what to do, who don't require help all the time, people who can make their own decisions. I also like people who, like myself, need some alone time
occasionally. Although I understand the importance of getting other people's opinions, I feel that in the end we all should make our own choices. You should have the ability fend for yourself.
Intelligence - I like to be able to engage in deep discussions about difficult topics. I have nothing against people who don't understand complex issues, but I prefer those close to me to be quite knowledgeable.
Learning - I think the desire to learn is very important and beneficial to people, not just something you are forced to do at school. I am often reading about many topics that are usually taught in school even
though I've been out of school for several years. I have nothing against people who feel content to not bother with learning new things, but I wouldn't want to date one. And, yes, I don't like school.
Optimist - You should be able to look on the bright side of things. Not always, but at least have a general positive outlook. I deal with enough depressed people in life, I don't want to live with one. I'm
generally a cheerful person.
Outdoorsy - You don't have to be able to kill a moose with your bare hands (although, that would certainly be impressive) but you shouldn't scream at the sight of a bug either. I like the outdoors and I spend a
descent amount of time in it. Hiking, camping, and canoeing are all parts of my outdoor repertoire and I always appreciate company.
Religion - Or as it is in my case, lack thereof. I'm agnostic for a reason. I don't like the rituals and restrictions that organized religions have. My views tend to clash with people who are very religious. I
have nothing against people who are strong into religion but they will most likely not enjoy being around me for too long.
Roleless - I do not subscribe to gender roles very much. I do notice that certain traits are masculine while others are feminine, I have no qualms with people who show a little of the opposite side, because I
certainly do. If you are looking for a "macho-man" you'll probably be disappointed with me. However, if you're looking for a limp-wrist choir boy, you'll also be disappointed. I do see men and women as physically
different, and I do find women in dresses very sexy. On the whole, I am certainly more masculine than feminine, but I'm not afraid to switch up every so often.
Self Worth - You should be able to know your own value and not have to be reminded that you are worthy, decent, and capable. I'll most likely remind you anyway, but I don't like it when people fish for
complements. If you think that you are ugly, weak, or dumb, please wait until you've wised up to be try and date me.
Sexuality - I'm looking for someone who is very comfortable with their sexuality, and enjoys sex often and in various ways. If you don't mind trying new things (especially kinky things), and you're familiar with
your body, if you know what you like, and you're not afraid to ask for favors, we'll get along just swimmingly.
Stability - I don't want to be your psychologist. If you have some major mental issues I would prefer that you sort them out prior to getting involved with me, thankyouverymuch. You will find that I can be very
comforting and caring, but seriously, I hate having to play the part of a doctor unless we're role-playing (see above).
Wisdom - Both a combination of life experience and common sense. Both are part of wisdom, both are important. I have, what I believe to be, a healthy amount of each (but certainly not the best), and I hope that
you would as well.
This isn't a pre-dating quiz or anything. These are just the traits that I find to be most compatible to myself. If you don't have all of the traits, it just means that you are a terrible person and everyone should pity
you. Although, if you do happen to meet my rather difficult criteria, and also happen to live near me, won't you be so kind as to send an email my way. I'm not looking for a date, I'm just looking for a possible friend.
Oh yes, and you must keep in mind that everything here is relative. One person's idea of athletic may be ten minutes of excersize a day, another person might say 6 hours a day. Some people think an IQ around 100 is
smart, others think an IQ of 150 is smart. So even if you think you fit closely to something on this list it doesn't mean that I will feel the same way. Several people have claimed to me that they fit these attributes,
only to fall short of what I think they mean.