Deanisms

I, like anyone else, have several mannerisms which I've collected over the years which I like to call Deanisms (I'm sure most other people don't call them Deanisms, except for people named Dean, of course). None of them are original, as far as I know. Some have come from other people I've met in life, others I have no idea where I picked them up, but I'm sure I wasn't the first to use them. Either way, I do them. Most of these are simply related to the weird things that I say, but I'm sure I have odd body language that I'm not aware of as well. I'll try to add more as others are pointed out to me (so if you know of one that isn't listed, drop me a line). Anyway, here are the current Deanisms that I know about.


Instead of saying "yup" or "uh-huh" to offer an affirmative response, I say "indeed". Not every time, but enough for it to be noticeable. I don't know where I picked this up.

There is the common "whatever" expression, but I don't feel like putting forth that much effort so I shorten it to "whatev". This is similar to the "go figure" shortened to "go fig". Although, I try to limit the use of this because I, like totally, don't want to sound like a valley girl. Ohmigod! I picked up this saying from girlfriend #5.

If I set down an inanimate object, I will tell it to "stay" as though it were a dog, especially if it falls and I have to pick it up. I'm not exactly sure where I picked this one up.

When facing a woman up close, around kissing distance, and I'm feeling uncomfortable or overly comfortable I will say a cheerful "hello". They usually respond with a "hello" followed by a strange look, or if they know me well, just a simple smile and a "hello". It's a nice tension breaker, keeps things flighty. I got this from girlfriend #3.

When speaking with a woman I will ask, "so, how's the wife and kids?" This of course works well, because they are usually straight, not married, and without children. This gives all sorts of interesting responses like "I killed them", "I sold them to gypsies", or the incredibly interesting "I don't have a wife or kids". I'm not sure who I got this from, but it is certainly fun to say.

Everyone loves to hear "merry Christmas" when it's nowhere near Christmas, so that's what I do. It can be the heat of summer and I will wish someone a merry Christmas. Or, if they don't look they celebrate Christmas, a "happy Kwanza". Most people give me a strange look, others play along and wish me a happy Thanksgiving. No clue as to where I picked up this one.

Unlike most guys who use lame pick-up lines, I have a very classy one. I'll walk up to a woman looking all smooth and ask, "How's your dog?". Most people think that this is very strange, but it works like a charm. If the woman has a dog, she'll regale you with tales of her dog. If she doesn't have a dog, switch to cat, bird, rodent, etc. If all of those fail, it doesn't matter because you've already broken the ice, and by this time the awkward silence turns into happy smiles. Many women will argue that this is a horrible pick-up line, so I will use it on them and they will talk for several minutes about their dog, thus proving me right. This was picked up from a girl I used to work with at a grocery store. She didn't use it as a pick-up line, and she wasn't referring to an animal, but I got something out of it.

I have a neat way of changing the subject which I sometimes use when people are being too wordy. Let's assume that people are talking about the stock market, but I'm hungry and wanting food. I'll say "Hey, speaking of the stock market, let's go get something to eat!" Eating, of course, has nothing to do with the stock market, but therein lies the charm. I'm not sure where I picked this up.