How to Introduce Me

I originally wrote this in 1997, but it has been modified several times since then. This is how I am to be formally introduced:

Yes, here he is the master of all that exists, the finest person ever to grace this foul planet's existence, the grand high exalted one, he who reigns supreme, computer programming genius, awesome all-around swell guy, the paramount of wisdom, the controller of all that lives, hero of kings, destroyer of foes, perfection incarnate, the one who is worshipped by millions, transcendent of the gods, the one, the only, the avatar: DEAN TERSIGNI! You may now stand from you extremely low bow, and be blessed that he who is TheAlmightyGuru will allow you in his presence.