Bruces' Philospher's Song

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Bruces' Philospher's Song
Artist Monty Python
Published 1973-12-07
Composer Eric Idle
Genre Drinking song
Themes Comedy, List song, Nerd
Rating Rating-8.svg

Bruces' Philospher's Song is a Monty Python drinking song written by Eric Idle and originally released as track 5 on the album The Monty Python Matching Tie and Handkerchief on 1973-12-07, although it plays off on an earlier sketch "Bruces" from Monty Python's Flying Circus (which first aired on 1970-11-24). The setup of the song is that there are four men, all named Bruce, who teach in the philosophy department at the University of Woolloomooloo, a fictitious Australian University. Despite having an unsophisticated demeanor, and a penchant for heavy drinking, the four Burces are quite skilled at philosophy. Idle shows off his education of various philosophers, as well as his ability to write catchy drinking songs.


I saw the Bruces' sketch around 2000 or so when my girlfriend at the time and I were on a Monty Python kick and rented the first season of Flying Circus from a Family Video. I thought the sketch was pretty funny, but it wasn't until I started listening to Monty Python soundtracks years later that I heard the song. I thought the song was hilarious, and played it on repeat over and over again actively trying to memorize it, and enjoying the process the whole time.


Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'bout the raising of the wrist,
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
And Hobbes was fond of his dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart,
"I drink, therefore I am."

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed. 


Audio of Eric Idle performing the song live.


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