Excuses of the Shy
2006/02/28

I can't introduce myself to her...

She's too pretty for me.
I'm not handsome enough for her.
She's too popular.
I'm too much of a nerd.
She looks busy, I wouldn't want to bother her.
She's with her friends.
I didn't shave today.
I have a zit on my face.
I just ate, my breath might smell.
She looks like she's high maintenance.
Maybe she has kids, I don't know if I can handle that.
She won't like me.
I won't like her.
She looks wealthy, what could I offer her?
She looks poor, she'll only want my money.
She might get annoyed by me.
What would I say to her?
We won't have anything in common.
She looks smart, so she'll think I'm stupid.
She looks dumb, so I'll be talking over her head.
We probably live too far apart.
She's probably already seeing someone.

I wonder why a great guy like me is still single.

I've been told that I'm quite a catch by several women, and they can't all be lying (can they?). Anyway, even if I am the great guy they claim I'm still single quite often. This isn't so much a problem for me because I'm kind of a loner and I can spend hours by myself without even noticing. However, like most single people, I do have the occasional bout with loneliness. When that happens I do the typical self-pity question of, "why am I still single? I'm a great guy."

The truth is, I know exactly why I'm still single. I have extremely high standards, first of all, but secondly, I'm terribly shy. My shyness is the focus of this tongue-in-cheek poem. It's not a very good poem, it has absolutely no flow, but it conveys a message, and that's what's important. Some of the excuses are direct quotes from me, especially the first one, but others are just the standard repertoire you hear from shy people.

This is one aspect of high school that stays with us throughout life. You can be the best guy in the world, but if you're too shy, the asshole men get all the women because they have the guts to ask. And the bitchy women get the best men because they're not afraid to show interest. Ooh, I feel so young all of the sudden!